Forgive me Father for I have sinned
by Mumofpicklegirls
Summary: Ever wondered what inspired Carlisle to be the vampire that he is? Just a little oneshot that might give some insight!


**This one shot wouldn't leave me alone after I attended the Maundy service in my local church. Google the Taize chant that inspired this ficlet. It is both breathtakingly haunting and poignant and speaks of an event that still has so much relevance in today's society. I sometimes think of how one of SM's new born vampires would have felt like the disciples when Jesus died – lost, frightened, disorientated yet with the power to change the world.**

 **I hope I do not disappoint.**

 **Oh and all mistakes are mine, but sadly the characters are not.**

 **Please R &R**

 **o0o0o0o0o**

Bella looked at Edward with a quizzical yet confused expression on her face as Carlisle looked at his watch, stood up, made his apologies then exited the large and light filled great room that moments earlier had been filled with lively banter.

The rest of the vampires gave each other a knowing look and Esme looked sad yet relaxed and fully aware of why Carlisle had acted so out of character.

"What, my Love?" Edward asked even though he seemed to know, for a change, what Bella was thinking.

"…is…Carlisle ok?"

"Absolutely, but…"

"But?..."

Edward sighed. "Walk with me?" he asked as he too stood up to leave, only he held his hand out in anticipation, Bella gently placed her own into it and they set off silently into the forest.

Once they were deep within the dappled evening shade of the dense wood Edward stopped.

"Do you remember when you cut yourself and Carlisle had to tend to your wounds." He asked as he turned to face her, taking both of her now softly sparkling hands into his own in the fading evening sunlight.

Bella nodded her brows knitted, still confused as to what was going on.

"Do you remember the conversation you had while he burned the blood soaked dressing?"

"About why you were reluctant to change me, about your beliefs?"

"Yeah…"

"And he told me that you didn't think you had a soul…"

"Precisely." Edward leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss into her hair before continuing. "Carlisle still believes we have souls, you got that from his comments, right?"

Bella nodded.

"Did you ever wonder why he has held so strongly to his faith and his determination not to feed off humans? After all, his father was hunting down and destroying the very things that made him who he is today. The irony of what he was doing when he was bitten has never left him."

"But what has this got to do with what happened today?" Bella asked, still confused as although Edward was making sense she still couldn't see where his conversation was leading them.

"Bella, what day is it today?"

"Um, Thursday?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, but it's not just Thursday, it's Maundy Thursday."

"I know that! Ok, so it's nearly Easter, I still don't see what this has to do with anything?"

Edward gave her a grin before continuing "Ok, so we've established it's the Thursday before Easter. What _time_ is it?"

Bella looked at her watch "Eight thirty." She replied her voice rising with her frustration as clearly she was missing something. "Just tell me, Edward, please!" She softly implored.

"It's Supper Time..." he enlarged, before pulling her along behind him and setting off at a sprint, only stopping when they reached an expanse of derelict land someway off on the other side of which stood an old abandoned church.

"What can you hear?" He asked.

Closing her eyes so she could focus, she caught a haunting melody that had started to drift out of the crumbling structure

"Stay with me, remain here with me. Watch and pray, watch and pray." It urged gently, pleadingly, as a voice she knew so well sang under his breath from inside the building.

"Carlisle?" she whispered softly, angling her face towards that of her husband.

"Yeah" he nodded as he pulled her back to his front. "He's singing a Taize chant. This and other songs like it are sung during the Maundy Thursday service as the priest removes the Eucharist – a symbol of the bread Jesus blessed at The Last Supper - from the main altar." He explained softly.

"Listen, really listen…" he urged as he held her to him.

After what seemed like forever the simple tune and repeated four line verse stopped.

"What did the music tell you?" he asked as they stood and watched as twinkling lights begin to wink through the broken windows.

"It was so sad, so haunting. It suggested of a yearning, a heartbreak that hasn't yet happened but anticipates something… life changing…" She finally replied.

"You remember Carlisle speak of his father?"

Bella nodded. "He was a priest."

"Bishop, actually. A frightening man of fire and brimstone, Hell and fury, narrow minded and frightened - just like the men that took and condemned Jesus to death. A man that could never forgive his son for becoming the monster that he unwittingly became."

Bella nodded. "But why this?" she asked.

"You said the music spoke of a heartbreak that had yet to happen. Carlisle didn't see his father again for a very long time. He spent his first years as a new born struggling to come to terms with his blood lust and was determined not to be consumed by the fire in his throat. He lived his life in solitude, hiding from society in remote places, convinced that he was a creature of the dark.

"Eventually once he had control of his thirst he went looking for the Bishop and watched from a distance as the once powerful man was brought down by old age, his energy fading into his twilight years. Eventually he could smell his father's failing health had taken a turn for the worst so decided to visit him one last time. He knew his father had never stopped looking for him and had always wondered what had become of his only son."

Bella nodded as he began to pull her slowly towards the beckoning light.

"They spoke only briefly, then they prayed together. The last thing his father ever said before departing this world to meet his Maker was that he should think like a disciple on Maundy Thursday. Feel the fear and confusion and sense of abandonment and to go out a be the man he was always meant to be. A man of God, given a difficult path to follow. Even knowing what his son had become, his final words were…"

"…Not to be afraid but to live each day with the words of Jesus' last commandment – to love one another as I have loved you - as the basis for my actions." Carlisle interrupted softly. "My father, a man who put the fear of God into everyone he ever met told me he loved me with his final breath."

If Bella could have cried, tears would have been cascading down her cheeks as she looked at her father-in-law in a new and awe inspired light.

"Come, let us begin the vigil." Carlisle commanded softly as he led them both into the once sacred building.

As they entered the small yet lofty space Bella gasped. Every available space was filled with tiny flickering candles. The once adorned altar was stripped bare, cloth and gold objects lay carefully in a dusty corner. A small silver lidded box with a tiny cross on the top sat to one side on a stray piece of broken stone.

Stepping forward Bella gave herself to the feelings that filled her. Ones of wonder, serenity and calm with the promise of a new world to come.

 **o0o0o0o0o**

 **Happy Easter everyone**


End file.
